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someone on Zhihu asked, "is there any pure friendship between members of the opposite sex?"

A highly praised comment said: "as long as one is killed and the other pretends to be stupid to the end, there will be."

Uncle wants to say that there may be heterosexual friendships, but they are rare. If you don't get along properly, it's easy to "deviate" if you're not careful.

especially for two people who chat frequently, if they often talk about these three topics, the relationship will deteriorate sooner or later.

talk about each other's ideal type

in the dating circle, knowing each other's mate selection criteria can quickly screen objects and judge whether they are each other's "Mr.Right" or not.

but among ordinary friends of the opposite sex, this topic is not necessary.

then why do some people ask each other "what kind of person do you like" when talking to the opposite sex?

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from my uncle's point of view, there are no more than these three ideas:

want to know if you are that kind of person

have a crush on each other and want to test Ta's mind to see if there is a chance to upgrade the relationship.

be curious about each other's criteria for choosing a mate

curiosity is a sign of goodwill, which will rise rapidly if you happen to find that each other meets the criteria for choosing a mate.

want to introduce someone to each other

maybe I have no idea about Ta for the time being, but I am willing to introduce it to Ta, which shows that I recognize Ta. If I get along for a long time, I will inevitably fall in love with each other over time.

between members of the opposite sex, they can talk about the ideal type, at least they don't resent each other.

once you know each other's standards, you will subconsciously compare whether you meet them or not, but if they do, the relationship between them will easily become ambiguous.

is heterosexual friendship so fragile? You may not believe it, but that's how friends Irene and Cheng got together.

before the two were together, although the relationship was very good and the conditions of Ah Cheng were good, Irene didn't call him and always regarded him as an ordinary friend.

until once, Irene jokingly asked him, "what kind of girl do you like? I'll keep an eye on it for you."

coincidentally, the standards mentioned by Ah Cheng were all met by Irene.

at that time, she didn't care and revealed her ideal type to Ah Cheng. Ah Cheng joked, "isn't this me?"

maybe it was the role of psychological hint. Irene gradually found that they really fit inexplicably. Later, A Cheng took the initiative to break the window paper, and the two naturally got together.

between men and women, frequent chat is easy to produce the illusion of love. If you know each other's ideal type and find that "I am this type", you will be eager to move and will not be willing to stay in a friend position.

it is only a matter of time before you think beyond your friends about the opposite sex.

disclose your privacy

what is an ordinary friend?

ordinary friends just talk about eating and drinking, sharing daily trivialities, or complaining and venting with each other when they encounter something troubling.

but the relationship that can disclose privacy is not "ordinary".

in psychology, there is a concept called "self-exposure", and exposure of privacy is one of them.

between members of the opposite sex, proper exposure can enhance friendship, but excessive exposure will easily change the relationship.

such as your income, social software password, past emotional experience, inner shadow pain, these are secrets and are generally not easily shared with others.

people who are willing to reveal are often people who are trusted enough and have a close relationship.

it is obvious that this trust and frankness have gone beyond the boundaries of heterosexual friendship.

and the disclosure of privacy to the opposite sex will give people the feeling that "only you and I know about this", which virtually brings the two people closer and creates an ambiguous atmosphere.

even if you are just sharing at the moment, without the idea of developing a relationship, it will make the other person misunderstand that Ta has a special place in your heart.

especially when confessing the past, if Ta can listen to you patiently, comfort you, and even share similar past and values, your relationship will heat up quickly.

to continue to get along as friends is only to deceive yourself and others, and the willingness to confess to each other is already proof of acceptance from the bottom of your heart.

both of them are single and suitable for each other, so it's okay to sublimate the "friendship", but as long as one of them is not single, the relationship loses its balance and fails to keep the boundaries it should have.

therefore, if there is no idea of developing a relationship between members of the opposite sex, they should not easily disclose their privacy. this is a respect for themselves and a respect for the relationship.

complain about your partner

once saw a post for help: complain to the opposite sex about your partner's state of mind?

Uncle was impressed by one netizen's answer:

"complaining about your partner to the opposite sex is like implying that my partner is so bad, and I'm not satisfied, so you have a chance, and I don't refuse to develop with you all at once."

wants to say that people who complain about their partner may not necessarily think so, but doing so will do more harm than good to the relationship, and may even ruin a relationship.

Mona has experienced this lesson.

Meng Na and her colleague Wen Yu are in the same project group. They have frequent contacts and get along well with each other, so they have a good relationship.

how good is it?

help each other at work, often chat on Wechat after work, and sometimes ask for a meal separately. If they are all single, they have a great tendency to become lovers.

the problem is, dreamsNa is married.

my husband certainly mind being so close to colleagues of the opposite sex, but Mona always says, "what's wrong with a good friend chatting? there's no need to be so sensitive, is it?"

is the husband too sensitive? Probably not.

the relationship between Mona and Wen Yu has long been more than just a friend.

every time she has a conflict with her husband, Mengna can't help complaining to Wen Yu, who is always comforting.

gradually, the more she looked at her husband, the more unhappy she became, but she became attracted to Wen Yu.

it's not that her husband is really bad, but that when she complains, she pretends to be dissatisfied with her husband. Wen Yu's comfort makes her feel that only he can understand her, and even has an idea of "I won't quarrel with him if I'm with him."

this idea is certainly wrong.

No matter how suitable two people are, they will inevitably have differences in the trivialities of life, but the affairs of husband and wife should be solved behind closed doors instead of being pointed at by outsiders.

the identity of friends of the opposite sex is already sensitive, and it is easy to cross the line a little closer, let the other party interfere in their own emotional affairs, blur the line between friendship and love, and it is easy to get closer and closer to friends of the opposite sex and push their partners further and further away.

when getting along with the opposite sex, a sense of size is particularly important.

this is not stereotyped, but refuses to be ambiguous and guards the boundaries of the relationship.

if you love, express your love bravely, no matter what the result is, be frank; if you don't love, show your attitude, keep your distance, and don't leave misunderstandings and expectations.

between members of the opposite sex, if you just want to be friends, don't pry into each other's ideals, share their secrets, and don't talk about your love life.

Don't say what you shouldn't say, know how to avoid suspicion and stay awake in order to have pure heterosexual friendship.

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