there is a highly discussed topic on Weibo:

Why do we always give our good temper to outsiders, but leave the worst mood to our family?

there is a psychological view that emotional violence can occur in any relationship, especially in intimate relationships.

indeed, each and every one of us can be the perpetrator or victim of emotional violence.

A family hides the emotional state of each member, and those out of control will eventually become a double-edged sword, hurting others as well as themselves.

emotional violence is the poison of marriage

in the TV series "female psychologist", there is a couple, Chang Song and Dafang. When people reach middle age, their marriage is in crisis.

in the psychological counseling room, Dafang wantonly complained to the counselor about Chang Song's disadvantages, which made Chang Song feel very humiliated.

so he gave tit for tat, deliberately infuriating Dafang with words and instigating her to make a scene.

also said provocatively: "you threw it, you smashed the water cup, you smashed it all!"

Dafang, as he said, picked up the cup and smashed it. Out of control, she looks like a madman in the eyes of outsiders.

but it was Chang Song who made her crazy.

Chang Song was dissatisfied with Dafang's strength and complained that she was difficult to serve during menopause, and he just wanted to run out every day.

Dafang wants him to stay with him, but Chang Song is always cynical.

Chang Song slammed the door while shouting "this family can't stay for a moment".

Dafang jumped her feet and shouted, "never come back if you can!"

in fact, the two got married because Dafang liked Chang Song's honest duty. Chang Song liked Dafang's shrewdness and ability.

emotional violence is not uncommon in marriage.

in real life, 70% of the communication between many couples is emotional pull, but as long as something goes wrong, the remaining 30% of the content will be distorted.

Daily trivialities are infinitely magnified and escalated into hoarse emotional violence.

"Marriage Pope" John Gottman once said:

"our emotions determine the direction of the intimate relationship."

in marriage, it is never always sunny, and there will be high winds and showers from time to time.

husband and wife should be considerate of each other, less aggressive and more agreeable.

the future is still far away, the gentle side, left to the lover, will be affectionately waited for.

emotional violence is the pain of a child's life

I once saw a short video on Douyin called "in fact, children are afraid of your emotional violence."

in the video, the father counts "3" loudly to his child. two! 1! " Then he tore up the child's exercise book.

the child said to the camera in a childish voice:

"you always yell at me, and I get angry if I don't listen."

"you scold me when I mess up the toy, you scold me if I can't eat any more, and you scold me if I don't sleep."

"when you scold me, your eyes are so wide open. I'm really scared. When I'm afraid, I can't do a good job."

this scene is suffocating.

many parents always think that their children are still young and don't know anything. As everyone knows, the face of parents with negative emotions is the deepest fear in their children's heart.

Children are the receivers of parents' emotions.

even if you make great achievements in the future, it will be difficult to get rid of this pain imprinted on your bones.

when Jiang Wen was a guest of "Thirteen invitations", he made it clear that he was not confident.

he said: "the biggest failure in my life is that I can't get along well with my mother. She is always unhappy and nothing I can do can make her happy."

he remembers coming home with the certificate excitedly, but his mother threw it aside and urged him to say, "you still have a basin of clothes to wash. Go and wash them."

Jiang Wen didn't get a word of praise from her until her mother died.

the report of "investigation on the current situation of parent-Child Education in China" points out:

many parents have serious emotional problems, and 87% of parents said they had lost control of their emotions and beat and scolded their children.

in reality, parents who can't manage emotions can easily break through their children's psychological defenses.

parents' emotional violence will make their children feel unloved and even feel unworthy of being loved.

in fact, it is because children are weak that they need parents' love and protection, not because they are weak and become the outlet of parents' emotional violence.

it is said that a happy childhood can cure a lifetime, while an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to cure.

only when children grow up under the nourishment of love can they be full of heart.

the good temper of parents is the blessing of a child's life.

emotional violence is a stab at parents

writer Feng Tang once said with a smile when talking about his mother: "she is a person who always has to be the center of the world."

therefore, he never argued with his mother, but obeyed when he should. It is most important for his mother to be happy.

in fact, children often break their parents' hearts inadvertently.

host Luo Jing pressed a note under his desk that read: "Don't be impatient, talk well."

because once, he was in a hurry to work while smoking.

when he was worried, his mother looked at him and couldn't help persuading him, "Don't smoke, it's bad for your health."

Luo Jing roared angrily, "Why do you care so much!"

with that, he saw his mother shed tears in silence and walked away.

Luo Jing was so remorseful that he gave up smoking and wrote down this note to remind himself at any time.

in life, there are always people who indulge their emotions by relying on their parents' infinite tolerance for themselves.

maybe it's a look that dislikes parents' slow hands and feet; maybe it's a remark about parents' bad memory; maybe it's impatience when teaching parents to use smartphones.

all emotional violence is the deepest thorn to parents.

growing up, our parents loved us unconditionally.

now, when parents are no longer in their prime, they quietly put aside their emotions in the face of their grown-up children and become the ones who endure our most bad temper.

Bi Shumin once said, "I believe that everyone has made a grand wish of filial piety to his parents from the bottom of his heart."

You will be the center of attention in our gorgeous red marriage gowns. Shop now and enjoy the pleasant shopping experience.

however, being nice to your parents is not an expensive gift on Mother's Day, nor is it a "I love you" circle of friends on Father's Day.

the greatest filial piety for a child is to be kind to his parents, to restrain his temper and his bad temper.

being kind to your parents is a person's greatest blessing.

it is a blessing for a family to take care of one's mood

Home is not only the origin of everyone's life, but also the starting point for us to go to the stars and sea.

however, some homes make people want to go back; others make people want to escape.

in the book intimacy, it is written:

"emotional violence can occur in any intimate relationship, and the closer people are, the more unconsciously they hurt each other."

Home is the cornerstone of all intimate relationships, not an arena of emotional violence.

parents are the source of our happiness. Be filial to our parents and don't let them be seen in our regrets.

Children are the continuation of our lives. We should try our best to give them enough love and companionship when they are growing up.

lovers are our partners in this life. We love our loved ones and never forget a promise for a lifetime. Gentleness can warm the world.

the blessing of a family is nothing more than the old at the top, the small at the bottom, and the lover to accompany you to your old age.

, may you and I both keep the emotional boundaries, shut out the bad emotions and leave the good ones to our families.