how terrible is a person who can't control his emotions?

recently, there is a piece of news on the Internet, which is shocking.

in front of a hotel in Zhuanghe, Liaoning Province, a woman Li quarreled with her mother over trifles.

who ever thought that she was so angry that she drove her mother to the ground.

after watching the news, I was shocked, but my uncle felt more distressed.

there is nothing wrong with having frictions and quarrels among family members, but it is really lamentable that such a tragic tragedy has been caused by emotional loss of control.

on the spur of the moment, Li personally destroyed his family and also carried a human life.

in the future, what awaits her will also be the punishment of the law.

Adults are emotionally unstable, too scary, and the consequences are too unpredictable.

however, Li's experience is not alone. There are many impulsive "Li" around us.

do you still remember the incident when a bus fell into the river in Chongqing?

A female passenger couldn't help quarreling with the driver because she missed the place to get off.

in the process, she became more and more emotional, and finally hit the driver on the head with her mobile phone.

the driver failed to hold back his anger in the face of this unpretentious disaster and began to fight directly with the woman.

this is not so much an accident as a tragedy caused by emotional loss of control.

it was originally a trivial matter that could be solved in peace of mind, but it became uncontrollable in the anger of the two people.

among these 13 people, there are elderly people, mothers of young children, and students at school.

behind them, there are 13 broken families.

it is hard to imagine how the families of the victims should spend the rest of their lives.

however, what is even more sad is that if you look at the news about "out of control", you will find that such tragedies have never stopped.

October 2018, Shenyang, Liaoning.

40-year-old Wang quarreled with the copilot's girlfriend over emotional problems while driving.

in a fit of anger, the woman strangled Wang with a scarf.

then, the vehicle ran out of control and accelerated into the sidewalk, killing one person and injuring six others.

how innocent these injured and dead people are.

December 2019, Haikou, Hainan.

Chen, a female passenger, suspected that she had been overcharged by 1 yuan and pestered the driver endlessly.

in the process of driving, Chen, in a rage, slapped the driver.

because of this act, Chen was sentenced to four years in prison.

is it wronged?

it's not unfair at all!

I can't even imagine the consequences if the driver hadn't stepped on the brakes in time.

March 2021, Fuzhou, Fujian.

after playing cards, Zhang and his girlfriend called a ride-hailing to go home, and told the driver not to call in advance.

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but the driver dialed when he arrived at his destination.

the two men quarreled as a result.

Zhang was out of breath after getting out of the car, so he threw the empty bottle of green tea he had just drunk into the trunk of the car.

the enraged driver immediately turned around and crashed into Zhang until Zhang died.

Why did you get here?

Zhang lost his life because of a bottle, and the driver will also face jail because of a bottle.

two families are completely destroyed.

if they had known in advance that the consequences were so tragic, would they still have done so?

definitely not.

as a matter of fact, they are not bad guys who are evil and evil at ordinary times, but they lose control of their emotions, hurt others and ruin themselves.

as a saying goes, "if there is hell in the world, it exists in people's hearts."

in everyone's heart, there lives a devil called "impulse".

once people allow their impulses, it is easy to lose their minds and do something they regret.

in addition to the extreme cases in the news, we also face a lot of emotional loss of control in our lives.

think back to whether you have experienced these things:

when I get along with my parents, I say mean things to them because of some trivial things;

the plan of staying up late to revise for a long time was not passed, and on impulse there was a big quarrel with the leader.

help the child with his homework, only to find that he can't be taught. In the end, he can't help but touch the child.

you will find that a lot of little things that can be put up with can lead to even worse consequences when emotions get out of control.

Professor Davis, a psychologist, tracked nearly 1000 people and finally came to a conclusion:

if a person is in a fierce bad mood for a long time, it will not only lead to family and career failure, but also often turn good things into bad things.

you see, people who find it difficult to control their emotions often find it difficult to control their lives.

South African psychologist Susan, formerlyHe is a flammable and irritable person.

whether it's a power outage in her apartment or missing the subway, it can easily make her irritable.

sometimes even other people talking beside her would make her furious.

over time, her friends began to alienate her, and her work and life became a mess.

after realizing that something was wrong, she and her mentor analyzed and summed up the reasons why she lost control of her emotions every time in the past half a year.

after that, Susan began to consciously control her emotions and turn her mind to her studies.

A few years later, she was admitted to the school she aspired to. At the same time, she also found that there were fewer and fewer unhappy things and people around her.

in a speech, she warned others with her experience: "We are the masters of emotions."

as said in the Capital of a lifetime:

"at any time, one should not subject all actions to one's own emotions, but should control them in turn."

Yes, losing your temper is instinctive, but being able to control your emotions is a sign of adult maturity.

so how on earth can you improve your emotional control? Here are a few useful tips:

count down 12 seconds when angry

psychologist Dr. Ronald said:

"stormy emotions often last no more than 12 seconds. If you control these 12 seconds, you can get rid of negative emotions. "

very often, extremely violent emotions come and go quickly.

after the mood comes up, give yourself a 12-second buffer period, and after the countdown is complete, you will find that your anger has calmed down a lot.

stay away from the crowd when angry

people's mind goes blank when they are angry, and anyone and anything can be the trigger for our emotions.

take the initiative to stay away from the crowd and find a quiet place to stay for a few minutes, which is good for yourself and others.

emotional ABC method

psychologist Ellis once put forward the "ABC theory".

"A" refers to an emergency;

"B" is the way you think about emergencies;

"C" represents your emotions and behavior;

A does not directly lead to C, but B leads to C.

what really makes you feel is not the thing itself, but your way of thinking.

so, in case of an emergency, we might as well ask ourselves two questions:

can you make yourself better by obsessing about this?

if the answer is no, then accepting the truth is the best choice.

find a way to find an outlet for your emotions

as the saying goes, "it is better to be blocked than sparse."

what is more terrible than anger is sulking.

when angry, it is more effective to find a suitable outlet for a bad mood than to hold it in your heart.

you can do some intense sports and take away the pressure with sweat.

or read a book and distract your attention with a book.

even find an empty high-rise to shout a few words and vent all your anger and discontent.

there is a hot question on Zhihu: "what abilities should adults develop best?"

among the many responses, the most frequently mentioned is "emotional control".

Don't feel that your impulsive personality can't be changed. In fact, controlling your emotions is the most autonomous thing.

always remember: emotion is a choice.

it is you who choose not to let all kinds of unexpected things affect you, and you choose not to let your emotions affect others.

May you and I both be emotionally stable adults and be responsible for ourselves and the world.