there are books

as the saying goes, "if a man has a warm heart, there is a lot of solicitation."

when I was a child, I was always "willing to help others" to manage heaven and earth. When I grew up, I realized that not everything could be taken care of.

if you are too enthusiastic and want to help with everything, you will often end up with "no reward for good intentions".

in fact, there is nothing wrong with the starting point of helping others, but we must think twice.

many women are kind by nature and are particularly willing to help others, but they must distinguish between what can be handled and what is not.

as Dickens said:

the best courtesy is to mind your own business. "

although women are emotional, they should also know that they should not be in charge blindly in order to leave room for others and leeway for themselves.

Smart women never meddle in these matters, but only manage their lives in an enviable way.

things beyond the scope of ability

I often hear people say:

"carry as big a bowl as you can, and do as much as you can."

to carry a large bowl with a small hand, it is easy to break the bowl if it is unstable.

take care of things that are beyond our ability, even out of good intentions and good intentions, it is also easy to cause trouble to yourself, or even get into trouble.

there was such a steamed bread shopkeeper who saw that some people could not eat hot meals, so she kindly gave them free steamed buns.

in order to let more people eat warm and loving steamed buns, the female shopkeeper gets up and steams steamed buns before dawn every day.

but she underestimated the evil of human nature and overestimated her ability.

many people began to say that they didn't want steamed bread and asked the shopkeeper to give them money.

this made the shopkeeper unexpected, so he had no choice but to stop handing out loving steamed buns.

but the matter is not over. Those who have received the gift of loving steamed bread began to make a fuss in the steamed bread shop as soon as they stopped sending it, and all kinds of abuse followed.

Women are more emotional, and even if they are beyond their abilities, they will still try their best to do their best for others, even if they are beyond their abilities.

but this love activity can only end helplessly in the aggrieved tears of the female shopkeeper.

there are many cases of being so kind in life but causing trouble for yourself.

there is a female netizen who once told her own experience.

A few years ago, her relatives' business suffered a setback, their cash flow was unable to open, and they were blocked to extort debts. Some of them dared not go back home and were anxious to borrow money everywhere.

when I begged her, when I saw the pain and distress of my relatives, I not only took out all the family savings, but also borrowed a large sum of money to help the relatives.

my relatives were moved to tears and promised to return the money within a year.

but the result is not what was expected.

the crisis of relatives passed quickly, but they had no intention of paying back the money.

until the netizens' father had a sudden emergency and was in urgent need of money, netizens came to the door again and again to ask for money, from being reasonable and emotional, to having a complete falling out with relatives, and only half of the money came back.

in desperation, netizens had to go out again to borrow money.

in the end, although my father's life was saved, he had to choose conservative treatment because he didn't have enough money, which delayed the best time for surgery, so he had to lie in bed for the rest of his life and could no longer stand up.

as the old saying goes, "A small kindness nourishes a noble man, and a great kindness nourishes an enemy."

Men are rational, while women are emotional.

Women are soft-hearted, and when they see that others are in trouble, they are more likely to be compassionate and give all they have to help others.

but when people reach middle age, everyone actually carries a lot of heavy burden.

it is certainly possible for relatives and friends to lend a helping hand in time and give them help and relief within their ability when they are in trouble.

but remember not to easily overdraw your wealth and energy and give help beyond the reach of others, because the result will often backfire and fail to end well.

Cai Kangyong has always encouraged everyone to be a "cold" person, telling us not to be too enthusiastic about other people's things.

A smart woman should understand that she must first run herself well before she has the ability and strength to help others.

other people's emotional and private affairs

Biography of Feng Yansi, a Book of the Southern Tang Dynasty, there is a saying:

"what do you do when the wind blows and wrinkles a pool of spring water?"

I have seen such a movie: a woman has been abandoned by a man three times, slapped four times in the face, was beaten in the hospital, and finally kicked out of the house.

when the man comes again, her best friend, worried that the woman will be hurt again, shuts the man out and warns him not to mess with women again.

it is well-intentioned, but it is said by women that it is nosy and thankless.

in fact, such scenes are not uncommon.

once saw a piece of news:

the father's colleague said:

"is it shameful that your daughter is thirty years old and still unmarried?"

the father was furious, and the daughter ran over to argue with the colleague face to face.

finally, the daughter collapsed on the spot because of emotional excitement and was taken to hospital.

colleagues would rather be detained than apologize, always emphasizing: "which sentence am I wrong?"

it seems absurd, but it is actually happening around us.

as an old saying goes, "Don't bear a heavy load with a little strength, but don't persuade others with light words."

personal matters such as feelings, such as drinking water, make it difficult for outsiders to interfere, and even close friends and family members are not allowed to interfere in other people's emotional and private affairs at will.

Smart women should never get involved in the feelings and private affairs of their friends, otherwise they will really be "not people inside and outside".

in our lives, everyone has different experiences and different values.

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every family has its own difficult classics, and it is often difficult for honest officials to make a clear decision.

maybe we all want to take care of it out of kindness, but the results are mostly unsatisfactory, and the other person is not necessarily grateful, and is likely to hold a grudge.

so no matter how good the relationship is, no matter how deep the relationship is, you should learn to maintain boundaries and a sense of distance.

not to meddle in other people's emotional and private affairs is not only a kind of self-protection, but also a rare practice.

nosy things that have nothing to do with you

Di Zi Gui has a saying:

"he says long, this is short, it doesn't matter, don't worry about it."

I have heard a short story full of banter:

one summer, the temperature was so high that a little boy sat in the park and ate several popsicles. A woman couldn't help telling him, "eating too many popsicles is bad for your stomach."

the little boy replied, "my grandmother lived to be 103 years old and she is very strong. Do you know why?"

"does she like popsicles, too?" The lady asked.

"No," said the little boy, "she never mind her own business."

and the only thing we have the qualification and right to take care of is our own business.

as the French writer Mark Levy wrote in the Shadow Theft:

"you can't interfere in other people's lives, even for their own good."

around us, it seems that there is no shortage of "enthusiastic" relatives, who are always keen to meddle in "meddling" that have nothing to do with them.

from eating and dressing to falling in love and working, these zealous relatives are simply heartbroken for other people's children and trifles.

Fu Seoul once said in "Strange work":

"there are all kinds of people in the world. When you can face them openly and stop thinking about forcibly changing anyone, it will be your own new life."

take care of yourself, but do good deeds and don't cross others. "

that's true.

Smart women all understand that there is a ruler and a degree of value in being a man.

as the saying goes, "keep your food and clothing warm and mind your own business."

everyone has their own destiny and choices, take responsibility for their own actions, and bear the consequences for their own lives.

in this society full of pressure and crisis, women should focus on their own life and manage their own life well.

after all, everyone's time and energy are limited, so don't waste it on meaningless "meddling".

there is nothing going on in this world, but it is because there are so many people in charge that it is done.

about the rotten millet of Chen sesame

some people say that "dressed in a poetic thousand fathom waterfall, the April sky on earth" is a true portrayal of Lin Huiyin.

but as the mother of a talented woman, Lin's mother has nothing to do with the gentleness and elegance we imagine.

he has a bad temper and doesn't get along with anyone, including his own daughter Lin Huiyin.

the reason, in addition to natural temperament, comes more from the resentment of the past.

the marriage between Lin's mother and Lin's father was unhappy. Later, Lin's father married an aunt to make the already fragile marriage even worse.

my aunt is so spoiled that even her son is more popular with her father Lin.

Lin Mu saw this in her eyes and kept it in mind.

therefore, she did not allow Lin Huiyin to be close to her half-brother, and once she did not agree with her, she made a scene with Lin Huiyin.

causes not only other people to dislike themselves, but also their own daughters to have a grudge against them.

as a matter of fact, Lin Fu has already left the world for many years, but Lin's mother still can't let go of everything in the past.

but for Lin Huiyin, after all, he is her own brother who is related by blood, so how can he ignore it at all?

therefore, because of taking care of her younger brother, the relationship between Lin Mu and Lin Huiyin is also in jeopardy.

Mother Lin is unhappy all her life, and she also brings a lot of harm to her daughter, because in her world, there is never the present and the future, only the obsession and addiction to the past.

therefore, Mother Lin did not see the excellence of her daughter, nor did she feel at ease to enjoy the happiness of her children and grandchildren, missing out on the happiness of her old age.

Life is not only a war without the smoke of gunpowder, but also a spiritual practice to compete with wisdom.

it is always women who need to manage and cultivate themselves most.

there is an old saying:

"pay the plum blossom behind closed doors, regardless of the month before the court."

Women concentrate on doing their own things, do not care about things beyond their own ability, do not interfere in other people's family and emotional and personal affairs, regardless of their own affairs, let go of old things related to themselves, and all good things will come slowly.

as Mr. Yang Jiang said:

"We were so eager for outside recognition that we finally knew that the world was our own and had nothing to do with others."

the best life is to live your own life.

truly deafEvery woman in Ming Dynasty knows how to manage herself.

, may you let go of the things you shouldn't care about, travel light, live up to the present, and embrace the future.